


To Know Madness

by Emiline



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Missing Scenes, New Caprica, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-12
Updated: 2010-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-09 20:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiline/pseuds/Emiline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leoben knows he is right about Kara Thrace, and while she isn't so sure, Leoben is nothing if not patient. She will come to see the truth of things eventually, and they have all the time in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Know Madness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria/gifts).



> Spoilers for the first four episodes of Season 3, and the first season episode "Flesh and Bone".  
> This was extremely late birthday fic for Aria. But I did manage to finish it. Eventually. I had a sort of different idea about the ending of it, but then I re-watched the New Caprica arc and deleted scenes to write this, and was reminded of how creepy Leoben actually is. Many, many thanks to rayruz for betaing this. She really helped me get this into shape and managed to figure out a way to correct my canon errors without spoiling me, since at the time I wrote this I was only about three quarters of the way through season 3.  
> **Warnings**: Suicide attempt, multiple deaths by stabbing  
> As usual, I borrow these characters from their rightful owners only for amusement and not for profit.

  
**   
To Know Madness   
**   


  


  
**~ Prologue~**   


_"Laura, I have something to tell you. Adama is a Cylon." –Leoben, "Flesh and Bone"_

Leoben was a master of spinning lies and half-truths. He knew just how much to say and how to say it. He was an expert at planting and cultivating the seeds of doubt. Take Laura Roslin, for example. That had been a beautiful example of his handiwork, his genius.

In the end, what he had actually had to _say_ to Laura Roslin had been very little. The delivery had been critical. A moment of unexpected (for her) forced intimacy, the insidious words whispered in her ear. He knew that, under normal circumstances, she would not believe anything he said. She would not want to believe him in that moment either, but she would not have a choice. It was not her decision to make—to dismiss those words—because that was the one thing he could say that would place doubt in her mind.

She would not want to think that William Adama could be a Cylon, but she would wonder. When Cylons looked exactly like humans, there was no reason why anyone might not be a Cylon, including the commander of the Colonial fleet.

William Adama was no more a Cylon than Gaius Baltar was, but that was not the point.

_"He puts insidious ideas in our heads more lethal than any warhead. He creates fear."- Laura Roslin, about Leoben, "Flesh and Bone"_

  
**~End Prologue~**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

New Caprica—The First Year

_"To know the face of God is to know madness."- Leoben, "Flesh and Bone"_

Leoben was damaged.

There was a bird in his chest, where his heart should be.

It's wing was broken, and it's opposite leg was lame, rendering it capable only of jerky, awkward movements. It hopped and staggered, lurching around, ungainly and unsteady, irregular in it's rhythm. Flophop. Flophop. Hopflop. Flophop.

In the first few weeks after he had kidnapped her, Kara had been loud and angry and combative, fighting physically and vocally. She was full of fire, of life, vitality.

But only at first.

Having gained no satisfactory results from her efforts, she switched tactics—threw everything she had into physically resistance and fell silent. It was a bristling, angry silence, so full of hatred it practically shimmered in the air around her, a veritable halo of fury.

Later, the halo began to dim and fade away, and she interacted with him even less than before. Not that he spent any less time with her, but she withdrew into herself to a place he could not always reach. Leoben was a patient man.

He was not afraid to use lies when dealing with Kara. Lies were simply another tool to achieve the end.

It had been going so well, she had not killed him in days. Then she stabbed him in the neck with a pair of chopsticks. Flophop flophop flophop. It was a painful death. He forgave her though, as he always did. He knew this life was not easy for her, not yet. She still had too many memories She still had too many memories, and through them, connections to her other life. More importantly, she did not understand God's plan yet, did not see clearly her path. It would take time for her to accept that she was part of God's plan, to be willing to see what she was destined to do. Time they had in abundance, and Leoben had complete confidence in God. God would open Kara's eyes when the time was right.

"I come home, you kill me, I download into a new body, and we start over. Five times now."

"I'm going to bed." A pause. "Be nice if you joined me."

She did not let him kiss her. They had only made so much progress, apparently. With a sigh, he started up the stairs. They felt firm and solid beneath his feet. He was not going to force her to do things she did not want to do, within reason. But he was going to make her see the truth of her situation.

"Either way, you'll be spending the night with me." He smiled as he watched eyes flick involuntarily to his body on the living room floor.

"I do love you, Kara Thrace."

She looked horrified, and that hurt. He told himself it was because of his dead body on the floor and not because of his love. Leoben trusted in God's plan. Everything would work itself out. Hopflop.

One day she locked herself in the bathroom, started the water running, and tried to slit her wrists. It forced him to consider that the silence and quiet in her expression had not being gradual acceptance, as he had thought, but numbness.

Flophop. Hopflop.

_How can I make you see the life you can have?_ He whispered. She didn't respond.

Something had to be done.

One of the D'Anna's brought him the child. A beautiful child.

"She really does look like us," he marveled aloud. Hopflop, hopflop, hopflop. "She has her mother's eyes," he continued, the lies already forming, solidifying into an identifiable shape. _Kacey, ours. Do you remember Kara, the medical facility on—_

"How is the project going?" D'Anna asked, conversationally.

"Well," he replied. "It's going well." He was good at lying to cylons too. This was only a half-truth, but it _would_ go well, once Kara bonded with Kacey. Of that he was certain. She loved him, and it was only a matter of time before she realized that. How could it be otherwise?

He kept up enough conversation for them. Constancy, stability, reliability. These were some of the things he gave her. He was confident she would come to accept this life, with him. Humans were, he knew, highly resilient and surprisingly tough. Given enough time, they could adapt to almost anything. Give enough time, and almost anything could become normal.

He had been carefully spinning a cocoon of lies around her, to protect her from what the cylons had been doing to the humans, and vice versa. It was this gift that he treasured most of all the gifts he gave her, treasured it more even than his love, for there would be time enough to appreciate that when she finally realized her own feelings. He liked this gift of lies the best because it was the one thing he could give her that she was unaware of, and therefore would not reject.

When the moment came in which he knew Kara was aware of her true feelings, he was caught off guard. He had imagined it happening differently, but there in the hospital, as Kacey opened her eyes, Kara's hand had found his and squeezed it. The bird in his chest fluttered. She knew she loved him. All he had to do now was wait for her to say it.

Most wonderful of all, she came back during the evacuation, just as he knew she would. She gave him the one thing he'd been looking for all this time, the only thing he really wanted from her. It was more beautiful than he could have possibly imagined. Hopflop. Hopflop. Flophop. Flophop. Flophop. Hopflop. Hop—

Then she stabbed him with a knife, and twisted hard.

_"I'll never forget this moment."_

_"Neither will I." – Leoben and Kara, "Exodus Part II"_

  
**~Finis~**   



End file.
